I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize