He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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