sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
