Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
