dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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