real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize