WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
