She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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