Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
