I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
