you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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