Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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