Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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