Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
