We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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