Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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