i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
