i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
