I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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