The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
