drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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