I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
