I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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