I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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