So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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