if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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