my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
