honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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