I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
