I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
