maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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