i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
