I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
