What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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