He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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