He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
