It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
