hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
