After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
