Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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