do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize
