wakey wakey hands off snakey
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
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