Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
