If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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