woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
