We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
