Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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