Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
