Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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