my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think my vagina is haunted
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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