He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize