I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
