Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
