omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
