ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
this hospital has no fireball
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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