like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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