Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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