Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
