you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
