Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
