My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
