Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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