I have demons in me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
