I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
