you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
