do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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