The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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