Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
