DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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