You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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