Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

my vag is so smooth its legendary

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(713): View more from Texas

yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.

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(440): View more from Ohio

So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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(404): View more from Georgia

No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.

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(805): View more from California

My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes

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(915): View more from Texas

everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.

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