Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
