so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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